I'm testing this

I have been emotional the last few days... seems like that is the only time I ever write on this... All my friends are leaving off to college whilst I wait here and rot in Watertown. I have yet to re-apply for colleges, really been putting it off... Seems reminiscent of how I got in this situation to begin with. My parents want me to try to get into this religious school. There is no way I could get in with no references and such from pastors and all that jazz.

I had the most marvelous send-off for my friends imaginable. My friend’s party was ending and we were driving about, at some point in which we passed a playground. We got out and proceeded to cavort on the playground and I managed to scrape my elbow... I cannot seem to think of the word for it, like a relapse to youth or something. It was like something out of a tacky ‘growing up’ movie or something.

I should really be in Europe with Joe and Mike right now having the time of my life... For those of you who are uninformed, Mike and Joe invited me to go to Europe with them; in fact, they left this morning. I wanted to go but my dad said no, now he said today he should have let me go... not much I can do now.

I find my mind wandering to times long gone... Elementary school. I remember very clearly our sixth hijinks... Our invention of a “chat room” where it was just us opening a Claris Works document and typing something and closing it when we were done (two people could not have the same file open at once). I also remember having to write, “I will stay in my seat when told” 100 times on the blackboard because the teacher had declared everyone stay in your seats until he comes back, but my keyboard was broken so I was swapping it out. He came back before I had seated, and I got in trouble. Oh, and the time Justin was pretending to squeeze breasts and the teacher noticed and asked “What are you squeezing Mr. Martins” Mr. Menzhuber, he came off as a hard ass but once you got to know him he was just more of an old ass. What a teacher... Called everyone by their last name, I was “Mr. Donat”; Mark Fox was “Foxy Loxy”

Well now I’m sure if anyones actually read this (which I doubt) you are completely annoyed by my blatant overuse of “...” but I love it... lol

Well, High School is over, and I do not know what to say, it all happened so fast… I have so many regrets, and no one bought power domes, how could no one buy power domes!? It had been planed for 3 years now… Anyway, I have other regrets. Not going to the prom, that is a big one. Not getting my ass in gear and asking “ladies” out. “I should have made a mix tape” I regret not watching more anime. I feel as though I did not use my time adequately. I regret not taking guitar 1, though calculus was probably a better investment of my time. I also regret not taking physics. I regret not having enough Kool-Aid. I feel as though I did not spend enough time enjoying Japanese class whilst I was in it. I felt as though since those were merely the first 2 quarters of my first year it would only get better, while instead it was a tailspin downwards ending in quite possibly the worst term ever. I should have taken more AutoCAD, joined more clubs, and taken harder courses… I guess hindsight is always 20/20.

In addition, my birthday is coming up tomorrow, well actually its today now. Nothing special planed. Though I might make my Japanese Horror flick party also be my birthday party.

Though I doubt anyone who is reading this hasn’t already seen this here is a site with pictures of my new house http://donatj.homeftp.net/newhouse/index.php

I'm feeling a bit better today, more sleep, more logic. And I spoke with the friend who was earlier mentinoed and I'm pretty sure our friendship has yet to be bastardized. Overall I am in a much calmer mood, although moments of panic like yesterday seriously are not fun...

I found the person, who shall remain unnamed. I cannot help but feel bad, one person knows why, and no one else shall ever know. No one will ever read this, no idea what the point of me even writing this is. I really feel worse then ever before, even worse then I did on the 31st when a dear friend helped me in my weakness, and yet I feel as though by using them for help I may have bastardized our friendship because of their involvement with another factor. I am really not sure what to think. On top of all this, we are moving and I have no time to do anything fun durring the day so I stay up at night, which leads to a lack of sleep, which in turn leads to me feeling worse, its a fricken vicious circle.